Searching for…

Phil: If we want to increase the numbers of readers to our blog, as the “web guy”, it behoves me to do a little bit of analysis and see what is bringing people here already. Maybe then we can brainstorm in a room with a whiteboard, identify our strengths and weaknesses, build on these and develop a new and more successful paradigm or something.

Anyway, the searches that have brought people here can be broken down into groups:

1: Answering the big question

“What is something a woman can never have too many of ? asks someone. The answer is probably found in another query – “I will never have enough shoes an bags” also “women can never have too many shoes”

So, from this we learn that women can’t have too many shoes and bags. Top advice there for men looking for suitable Christmas presents. Remember the golden rule though, keep the receipt ‘cos you probably bought the wrong ones.

2: Grazia and the writing competition

The search term that brought more visits than any other was “grazia writing competition” and this was closely followed by “grazia orange writing competition”. I guess that the webmaster for the magazine was wondering where all her visits were being leached off to – the answer was HERE !

Some time afterwards we were picking up traffic for “grazia writing competition winner”, which unfortunately not was Ms Nolan unless she’s not telling me something. I can’t think that is the case as it’s not likely I would have wanted a share in the prize – I don’t do handbags and there’s no way they would do those high heels in my size (that was the prize right ?).

3. Caroline Sheldon, we love you

After spotting a piece tied in with nanowrimo on the BBC featuring Caroline Sheldon, I pointed out that the slush pile shown on telly might well have contained our manuscript at the time. Disappointing as it was that we hadn’t been taken up as top clients, at least we got a reply. The searcher for “coroline Sheldon agency hasnt replied” obviously wasn’t so lucky, although it would have helped if they could spell the name properly perhaps ?

4. Get your kit off

Are you looking for a “nude business woman” ? Or perhaps you like a bit of tech with your filth and prefer a “nude and laptop”. If you are a real geek, you’ll just be looking for a “nude laptop” whatever that is (look at the dual cores on that motherboard). Some of you obviously don’t want a chilly tractor though, which is why we get as many visits from “tractor cover” as “business woman nude”.

5. And finally, cake.

Regular readers won’t be surprised that we gather a lot of visits from cake fans. Be it “millionaire shortbread”, “orange cake”, “custard turnover”, “greggs pasty” or the more exclusive “tractor cupcake”, this blog appears to be the destination of choice.

Which means this blog could be neatly encapsulated by a front cover of Grazia showing a picture of a cake in the shape of a literary agent who’s modest is only covered by a strategically placed handbag or two. Now, over to marketing.

Update: I’ve just discovered we are Number 1 on Google for “maplin weirdos”. I’m not sure what that says about us.


Filed under Phil, Writing

3 responses to “Searching for…

  1. The role of the cover designer in all this is, of course, to collect and cogetate on all the facts given to him (or her) by the aforesaid analysis, collect a big A2 layout pad and a fistful of Pantone markers, repair to his studio and several days later come up with some stunning ideas that will win him a Yellow Pencil award. He (or she) will go back several times to marketing with amendments where several of the suits will pull apart his lovingly structured design incorporating the latest typefaces (not fonts), change all the colours and sizes, change the original image for something royalty free, make the authors name larger (or smaller), add in foil blocking and embossing and congratulate the designer on a brilliant cover which not be entered for the D & AD awards-unless you work for Pentagram.

  2. Don’t worry Neil – when you do our book cover (I’m sure the publishers chose desginers who comment on the authors blogs and we’ll defintly put your name forward) then you can enter it in any competition you like. We’ll even turn up at the ceremony to see your moment of glory and cheer you on.

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