Kate vs the Dirtboffins – Chapter One

“Simon, come back from the edge, there’s a good chap.”

Kate inched her way across the roof, sliding stomach first on the tiles as she went.  When choosing an outfit that morning, the plans hadn’t involved dragging her best Armani skirt suit and Madden heels across a roof in the lame attempt to save someone.  She’d have worn something much more suitable from her extensive wardrobe, trousers at least.

“Look Simon, this is getting silly, you’ve made your point, now slide back towards me.”

Hanging on to the top of the roof of the Horticulture Investigation Agency offices, Kate wondered again how she got herself into these scrapes.  A successful business woman, with a wardrobe to die for, she was in this godforsaken part of Cambridgeshire to close a poxy little government outpost down. That’s what she was being paid to do anyway, but instead she was now teetering on the top of a rather unstable stately home, trying to save an equally unstable employee.  For God’s sake, she thought to herself, he was going to get a nice redundancy package, what was the problem?

Looking down towards the ever-growing crowd watching the display, she was glad of her old climbing experience. The height didn’t bother her, but a crampon and some rope would have been better than grappling with roof tiles and messing up her recent manicure.

A tile slipped and she nearly lost her grip. The crowd below gasped as she wobbled before finding a new handhold. Sprawled flat across the roof she yelled at the cause of her predicament.

“Simon, I’ve really had enough of this.  Can we just talk about it inside, over a nice cup of tea and perhaps a biscuit?”

The wind had started to get up just as the young employee decided to shakily stand up.  Looking past him, Kate could see a line of cars approaching, being led by a black Mercedes.

Oh bugger, she thought, that’s the MP arriving, I need to move this idiot NOW!

Risking one final lunge towards her quarry, the combination of rain and slippery ancient tiles made her lose her footing. Flailing to regain a grip on the building she punched the protester. For a moment he tottered on the edge. With horror, she could only watch as he disappeared from view.

“He’s jumped!” Came a voice from below.

“She pushed him!” Responded another.

A resounding ‘Oh’ echoed across the collective standing in front of the building as Simon fell slowly towards them.

There was a crashing sound. Kate looked over the edge, fearing the worst.  A sea of upturned faces stared accusingly in her direction. In the middle of the crowd, there was a large black car. In the middle of the car roof was a large green blob with legs. The door opened and a man got out, rubbing his head. He followed the gaze of the crowd and looked up.

Hang on, Kate thought, he looks familiar.

Forgetting her predicament for a moment, she peered through the drizzle and for a moment thought; that looks a lot like Dave. What is he doing here?

Chapter 2 next week. If you can’t wait, get the paperback  or buy the e-book from Amazon now.

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