Phil: Picking up on the news that Wilbur Smith has signed a £15m deal to co-author 6 books, I have a counter offer for his publishers HarperCollins.
For £12m, you can hire the NolanParker writing team. That’s saved you 3 million quid straight away. I would suggest that any executive who grabs this offer ought to see half of this in his or her Christmas bonus, and you can have that in writing.
For your money you get not one but two authors – twice as good value. To put it in supermarket terms, we are a BOGOF and everyone loves a BOGOF.
Two authors equals a whole lot more great fiction too. As well as The Book, you can have the 6 planned sequels (a total of 7, or one more than Smithy is offering) plus any short stories we come up with as well over an agreed period. Since there are four being bashed around at the moment, you can see what an amazing deal this is.
For the money, we will sit in a nice office coming up with ideas. We’ll happily write chunks of them ourselves or personally instruct ghost authors who will do the actual writing. Don’t think we’ll go all prima donna on you either. If there is media work to do, we’ll not shirk at turning up at the interviews, as long as they are after 10:30 in the morning. When the inevitable film deals kick in, at least one of us would be willing to take on the onerous job of appearing on-screen too. We’re even happy to make our own coffee and fetch our lunches. Never let it be said that team NolanParker are difficult. On the contrary, we are possibly the nicest people you could ever wish to hand a large amount of money to.
Publishers – This is a genuine offer. Please get your cheque books out and form an orderly queue.
(Note: I haven’t actually run this by Candice yet but I’m pretty certain she’ll be OK with it. If not, I’ll wear a wig every other day to work and collect her share)